Forgiveness is a topic that often seems like a foreign language for many people. I have struggled with unforgiveness and feel that God is growing me in this area. Forgiveness is not an overnight thing, even if that means that we may feel bullied by someone to forgive at their pace and not our own. What I have learned is that I can’t forgive someone until I bring it directly to God. I think when we want to pursue forgiveness sometimes, we can forgive prematurely. What I mean by forgiving prematurely is that we say we forgive someone but, do we really forgive wholeheartedly or are we only halfway there?
When approaching forgiveness, it must be a wholehearted thing. It cannot be halfway because if it is, it leaves room for what is left of that unforgiveness to continue to fester. Let’s start by pulling the entire root, not just the leaves or the branches.
One thing I have really seen the Lord do in my life is helping me reach a place of surrender. When we are angry, hurt, confused – we don’t want to forgive. I know for myself, I used to want another person to feel exactly what they made me feel. But how can you say walk with the Lord, yet you walk completely opposite of him? You wish evil on those who have caused these emotions within you, but Christians aren’t called to walk that way- that way is worldly and dangerous. The Bible says in Luke 6:32 “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them.” Am I called to be a sinner who chooses to love another person because of “feelings”, or do I choose to love another person because God loves me even when I am underserving? This is the first key to heading down a path of forgiveness and surrender.
When we decide to live a life sold out for Jesus that means we make a conscious decision to do all he has called us to do, and one of the things that can hinder our walks is the stumbling block of unforgiveness. Scripture tells us that when we don’t forgive it affects how God forgives us and hinders our prayers (Mark 11:25-26; Matthew 6:14-15; Matthew 5:23-24; Ephesians 4:31-32).
If you are struggling with unforgiveness but want to walk into the freedom of forgiveness, here are just a few things that help me:
• GIVE IT TO GOD: I have really tried my hardest to make this a practice every time I feel that feeling of unforgiveness brewing inside of me. My prayer usually sounds like this: “God if there is anything inside me that is not of you, please remove it. If there is unforgiveness towards someone (name) I lay it at your feet. If I am wrong, please show me in what.”
• SEEK GODLY COUNSEL: So many times, we fall into the trap of being mad about something and sharing it with someone. Be mindful of who you’re sharing it with. Does this person walk with the Lord? Does this person encourage you towards reconciling or does this person egg you on towards disconnection? Can you trust that this person is going to honor you by keeping the conversation confidential? Is this person a safe place? Can this person speak into your life?
• TIME: Give yourself time. Do not reconcile based on someone pushing you. Reconcile because God has healed you and walked you through. Prematurely forgiving can be ingenuine which means you really have not forgiven that person. I also feel that in giving yourself time, the Lord works in you and prepares you to have mature Godly conversations.
• PRAY: Lift that person in prayer, even when you don’t want to. Bless them – DO NOT CURSE. Romans 12:14 “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.”
• APPROACH: God will show you when it’s time to approach a party. Pray before meeting and even during meeting. Make sure when you approach someone, that the Lord is present. Do not approach with intentions of leaving the Lord out of the conversation. Also do not premeditate but go into the conversation ready to listen and be prepared to share in a genuine and vulnerable way.
Forgiving people doesn’t mean you’re a sucker. It means that you know whose you are, which is the Lords. I pray that if you are walking in unforgiveness that you decide to set yourself free from the tactics of the enemy. I pray that you choose to surrender and lay it at the Fathers feet. In today’s world reconciliation is a rare thing, make a choice to walk in Kingdom, to change the trajectory, and the outcome.
In Jesus name,
Amen.
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